Ways To Piss Off Emmett Cullen
by Crazy Twilight Lover
Summary: Basically what the title says. Alice finds ways to tick off her brother to the point that he loses his sanity. What will the evil pixie do next to poor, unsuspecting Emmett? Rated T for safety. Hiatus
1. Prank 1

**Author's Note-I felt like fooling around with Emmett, so I wrote ****Ways To Piss Off Emmett Cullen****. Hopefully, I'll be able to write at least 50, but if I can't, I'll write as many pranks as I can. This is in Alice's point of view, when she goes into "evil pixie mode". It might be in other people's point of view later, but for now, Alice rules this story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or some of the pranks. Some of the credit goes to ****50 Pranks on Carlisle Cullen**** by Lennon Drop!**

* * *

Prank #1

**Alice's POV**

"Emmett!" I called sweetly to my big bear brother. He was currently doing his best choking _my_ husband in a wrestling match. Jasper had won the last ten rounds, but Emmett kept on calling rematches. I was in "evil pixie mode" right now.

He grunted in response as Jasper threw him into a tree. The tree snapped cleanly in half. I felt sorry for it. "Rematch! I want a rematch!" Emmett whined. Jasper laughed and said he couldn't take a defeat.

"EMMETT!" I barked. He flinched and looked at me with his puppy eyes.

His bottom lip jutted out in what he thought was a cute expression. "Forgive me?" he whimpered.

"Gotta work on the puppy dog face, Emmett," I advised. "But I'm only a messenger. Rosalie wants you for something." My eyes twitched in what I pretended was discomfort and embaressment. Jasper raised his eyebrows at me as he picked up my new emotions.

Emmett looked at me as if Christmas had come early. "What did she say?"

"She said..." I gulped to show fright. "She said to meet you in the living room." I knew what was in the living room, and it most certainly was _not_ Rosalie.

Emmett trotted off eagerly to look for Rose, and Jasper and I watched him. Our eyes were trained on the bulky figure as he pulled open the door to the living room, took one look, and screamed like a little girl. He turn tailed as if a bull were chasing him and ran into the woods shrieking, "AHHHHHHHH!! MY EYES! THEY'RE SCARRED FOREVER!! AHHHHHHH!! HELP ME!!"

I was laughing my head off as Jasper gazed at me strangely. I held up a finger to say "wait a moment".

Not too long later, a very confused Bella and a very amused Edward came out of the house. "What happened?" Bella asked. "And what was that horrible screeching sound we heard?"

Edward read my mind and burst into fits of laughter. The two of us were rolling on the ground in hysterics. Jasper and Bella stared at us funny, then looked at each other. I heard Bella tell him in a whisper, "Okay, they've officially lost their marbles." Jasper nodded in agreement.

I stopped snorting long enough to choke out the story. "I was passing by the living room when I saw _something_ that gave me inspiration to taunt Emmett." Bella blushed furiously and stormed to my side to try to shut me up. Edward stared at her naturally swaying hips in a daze. Jasper leaned over and smacked Edward upside the head. He snapped out of his trance and would have blushed if he could. "I told Emmett that Rosalie was waiting for him in the living room while he was wrestling my Jazzy here. So off he totters to have some fun with Rose, but instead of seeing a seductive blond in the room, he sees Bella and Edward making out!"

I started laughing again, and Jasper joined with Edward. Bella just blushed like...well, Bella.

Rosalie came back from hunting just then. "Why are you guys laughing? Why is Bella blushing? And WHY is my husband running around in the woods screaming, 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! HELP ME!! MY EYES ARE SCARRED!! I HATE YOU EDWARD!! I HATE YOU ALICE!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!'?"

I chuckled in delight. "My prank worked then?"

"I guess so, whatever your prank was," Rosalie said, looking as if she wanted to strangle me.

* * *

Later that night...

"So Emmett, where were you all afternoon? I was worried for you," Esme drawled as if it was no big deal. Inside, she was seething with worry.

Emmett immediately got a scared look on his face. He looked at me, then at Bella and Edward. "I was...um...uh um...nothing...hunting...uh..." I was laughing so hard inside, I would have wet myself if vampires could. More like screaming about how he couldn't watch his brother and almost-sister show passion for each other. Hey, _he_ was the one who helped Jasper tease Edward about being a 107-year-old virgin.

"What was that?" Carlisle asked, amusment laced in his fatherly tone. I already told him the story as soon as he got home from the hospital.

Emmett excused himself and ran to his room. Esme and Rosalie watched him go with suspicious and confused expressions on their faces. They were the only ones that didn't know the story. Rosalie asked Esme, "Has he been on vampire meds?"

Rose swept into her room and announced loudly, "Emmett, I demand that you answer this question. Why do you hate Edward and Alice?" A high-pitched scream was his brilliant response, and everyone, even Bella, heard the bedroom door break in Emmett's haste to escape. The whole family ran upstairs to see Rosalie holding Emmett by the collar of his shirt like a mother dog holding her puppy by the scruff of its neck. "Now, Emmett, explain." Rosalie icily demanded. Emmett gulped and started to speak.

I slipped out of the room to plan my next move.

* * *

**Author's Note-How was it? Do you want me to continue with Prank #2? REVIEW PLEASE!**

**THE FOLLOWING IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE BXE FLUFF AND CAN STAND ROMANTIC MOMENTS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

**Okay, for those of you who don't understand, Emmett went in and saw Bella and Edward kissing fiercely. Bella was straddling Edward's hips and he was moaning, (not so innocent seeming) perfect time for Emmett to interrupt! Of course, Alice saw everything, so she picked the exact right time, when the two were most passionate. XP. Evil pixie.**


	2. Prank 2

**Author's Note: Alice is still tearing Emmett's hair out, so this chapter will be in her point of view again. She's still an "evil pixie" and fortunately for her, it's been one week since the last "incident" and Emmett totally forgot.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Alice. Some credit goes to Lennon Drop for inspiration.**

* * *

Prank #2

**Alice's POV**

I looked over my very organized plans again and smirked. Perfect! Emmett would be totally oblivious. I got a vision of what was going to happen, and silently cheered. This was going to work out just the way I wanted.

I called Rosalie and Esme to being the plan. Esme wanted to help to have revenge on Emmett for all the times he broke her walls, doors, tables, chairs, etc. Rosalie wanted to help just to torture her husband.

The two women disappeared in an instant and Bella came in with Edward trailing her like a lost puppy.

"What's going on here?" Bella asked suspiciously. I shrugged and gave her my innocent look.

Edward tried to read my mind, but I was too quick for him. I blocked my mind by reciting the U.S. Constitution, which I memorized in ten different languages. "It was nothing," I said. I began chanting in my head, _We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union..._

"Stop it, Alice!" Edward moaned, grabbing his head. He'd heard me recite that at least a thousand times before. "Are you okay upstairs?"

Uncomfortably, I answered, "I'm fine. I was just having a bit of fun like I always do." _...insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare..._ Edward was getting irritated.

"Just a word of advice, don't go into Rosalie's room," was all I said. But my mind stayed blank, ..._do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America..._

The two left, clearly frustrated with me. Good. That was two out of the way. Carlisle was at the hospital, doing God knows what. Now, all I had to do was distract Jasper, and then my plan could go into action...

Ten minutes later, my very stubborn husband was in the woods, happily drinking another meal. Now, all I have to do now was prank Emmett...

* * *

Esme walked into the dining room, where Emmett was playing video games. "Die, human, die!" he said, over and over again. I think Bella would have been insulted, and Edward would have broken the video game.

I was currently hiding behind the table, and I wondered how Emmett couldn't see "the evil pixie" as he called me.

"Emmett," Esme called softly. Emmett grunted in reply, sounding like a drowsy grizzly bear. "Emmett," Esme sighed. "Rosalie wants you in your room, and you know no one else goes in your room without your permission."

Emmett grumbled all the way upstairs, but I knew he was secretly excited. He opened the door to his room and peered in cautiously. It was empty.

He, being Emmett, opened the bathroom door. Everyone knows that you should NEVER open the door when Rosalie is taking a bath. (Of course, this was all part of my plan, which Rosalie was in on.) We heard a screech from Rosalie and a crash.

"Wuz goin' on?" Jasper mumbled in his Texas drawl. He came back from hunting a bit dazed by all the blood in him.

We heard another crash, then had the pleasure of seeing Rosalie torture Emmett for walking in on her while she was bathing. (She wasn't really "bathing", she was just sitting on the sink waiting for Emmett and complained that he was trying to sneak in on her.) Poor, poor Emmett. His punishment was to be locked out of the room for the restof the week. He could not even look at Rose or one of us would whack him upside the head.

Chuckling with delight, I put the second part of my plan into action.

* * *

Later that night...

"Boo!" I called, jumping out at Emmett. He jumped twenty feet into the air and whirled around in fright. He would have had a heart attack if his heart was still beating.

He growled at me and turned away, back to staring longingly at the door of his ex-room.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. "Boo!" I shrieked again, jumping on Emmett's back. He jumped ten feet his time, but hey, he still jumped. He glared at me, but said nothing, still too mad to speak.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. "Boo!"

"Would you shut up?" Emmett snarled in frustration.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. "Boo!"

"SHUT UP!" he roared.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. "Boo!"

"Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this?" Emmett whimpered, his hands over his ears. I smiled sympatheticly at him.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. "Boo!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! HELP ME!!" He screamed.

"Hey, at least everyone else is listening to this too!" I reasoned.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. "Boo!"

He stayed quiet. Ha! Everyone else had been evacuated from the house once I told them the second part of my plan. No one wanted to hear me jump out and say, "Boo!" every ten seconds. That torture was for Emmett only.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. "Boo!"

A small whimper escaped his lips.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. "Boo!"

"OKAY!! I LOST MY SANITY, OKAY?? NOW WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" Poor Emmet finally lost his marbles.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. "Are you okay upstairs?" I asked.

He looked at me shocked. He was probably expecting another round of "Boos" but got my sisterly concern instead. "No, thanks to you!" he wailed. Now I really felt sorry for him.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. "Boo!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

* * *

**Author's Note-So how was it? Emmett's finally lost his sanity. I got the second part of this prank from ****50 Pranks on Carlisle Cullen****. Thank you, Lennon Drop, for your ideas, and I hope you're no mad at me!**

**By the way, that really was the preamble (well, part of it) of the United States Constitution. I memorized the it when I was bored in fourth grade.**

**I'll try to update everyday, and if you have any ideas for pranks, please tell me in your reviews! I'm bound to run out of ideas soon!**

**REVIEW PLEASE! Whoever reviews gets to torture Emmett for one night!**


	3. Prank 3

**Author's Note-Hi again! Nothing else to say...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and as you know, say hi to my friend Lennon Drop here who wrote ****50 Pranks on Carlisle Cullen**** and inspired me!**

* * *

Prank #3

**Alice's POV**

"Jasper sweetheart?" I trilled in my most sugary voice. Jasper turned around immediately and smiled widely when he caught sight of me leaning against the side of our huge mansion.

He walked over and wrapped his strong arms around my tiny waist. "Yes, love?"

I beamed at him, mischief gleaming in my bright topaz eyes. "I need you to do me a favor..."

"And what is that?" he mused, a hint of something on his face...was it fear?

"It has to do with pranking Emmett again...if you get my drift." If my family refused to help me, there was no way I was going to be able to pull this one on Emmett. Everyone's help was something that I needed, not _could_ add. And everyone wanted to help...unless Jasper said no.

An even bigger smile broke across his perfect, sculpted features. "I'd love to help," he laughed.

I grinned like crazy. Oh Emmett, you better watch your back.

* * *

Around ten o' clock that night...

"Okay, everyone. We're going to play Truth or Dare...and everyone's going to pick Dare, of course, except Bella, who might be severely injured if she got a too hard dare. And God knows what kind of dares this family thinks up for our favorite human. So, Bella, if you want to live, I suggest you pick Truth." It seemed like I was addressing the whole family, but I was only talking to Emmett, who was not in on our plan.

Jasper spoke up. "So, who wants to go first?"

Bella called out, "Me!" before my husband even finished speaking. Of course, this was her perfectly rehearsed line.

"Emmett, Truth or Dare?" Bella snickered.

Emmett looked offended. "Do you even need to ask? Dare, duh!"

"I dare you to..." Bella whispered the rest of the dare in his ear so that it seemed nobody could hear. But everyone knew what was going to happen, because it was all part of _my_ fabulous plan.

Emmett walked over Rosalie and said in a fake unpleasant voice, "Rose, maybe you should lose weight. I mean, who wants a fat wife?"

Rosalie got up, grabbed her beloved by his ear, and stormed outside, dragging him. We could hear sounds of seroius injury being placed on Emmett's body. Edward, being a love-sick teenage vampire, pulled Bella onto his lap, ran his hands through her hair, and displayed quite a large amount of affection and attention on her neck.

Rose came back with her husband, who said, "Carlisle, Truth or Dare?"

Carlisle picked Dare, and had to phone the hospital and tell them that he was a little funny upstairs. (But he slipped in that this was a dare from his children and the doctor on the other end fell out of his chair from laughter.)

"Okay, Emmett," Carlisle sighed, leaning back and folding his hands behind his head. "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare! Why doesn't anyone understand that?" Emmett whined.

Carlisle pretended to look thoughtful, then announced, "I dare you to raid Alice's closet and burn one of her skirts, one pair of her shoes, and one of her new designer shirts."

Emmett looked at me terrified as I glared at him, but everyone else taunted, "Are you too scared to do it? Are you a _real_ man?"

As the smell of smoke drifted up from the backyard, I peeked into my closet. Oh no he didn't. He took my _favorite_ designer shirt, my _best_ skirt, and my _newest_ pair of flats and _burned _them!"

"EMMETT!!" I screamed, flitting down the stairs. He cowered in a corner and whimpered like a pathetic dog.

"Poor Alice. I bet she's mad," Esme whispered.

"She absolutely loathes him," Edward said cheerfully. Trust Edward to be cheerful _now_.

Ten minutes later, Emmett came back into the living room, reattaching one of his arms, the one I tore off. "Eddie-boy, Truth or Dare?"

Edward picked Dare, (but not without reminding Emmett that his name was Edward and not _Eddie-boy_.) and had to tell Bella he hated her and never wanted to see her again.Bella was giggling her head off because Emmett said his dare a little too loudly and everyone heard it, including the "victim".

"Emmett," Edward sneered in a challenging voice. "Truth or Dare?"

Emmett then had to roll in mud, snort like a pig, and run around the yard like a farm animal on the loose. Everyone was laughing while Emmett was squealing, "Oink, oink, oink!" Remind me to tell Edward he is the best brother ever.

"Esme," Emmett panted, pretending to regain his unneeded breath. "Truth or Dare?"

Esme picked Dare, and was forced to destroy one of her walls and shatter a tea set made entirely of fragile glass. She looked like she was breathing steam as she snarled, "Emmett, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare," Emmett squeaked, scared of the furious expression on his mother's face, which was replaced by a look of _revenge_.

"I dare you to dress in rags and go to our neighbors' houses begging for food for half an hour. _Then_, I dare you to _eat all_ of the food." Esme folded her arms across her chest, a smug smile on her face. Wow, I never knew she could be so evil. And don't look at me, that was her own dare.

Emmett begged for half an hour, and came home with a carton of eggs, a bowl of rice, a small fillet of fish, three pieces of beef, and four pieces of chicken nuggets. He swallowed them without biting and gagged.

Jasper, still laughing, stated, "I was under the impression that humans do not _inhale_ their food." This brought on another round of sniggers.

Emmett ran into the bathroom as soon as he was allowed. It looks like that food is about to make a reappearance.

He returned, and huffed, "Rose, Truth or Dare?"

Rosalie had to scream to the world, "I'm crazy! I'm crazy! Look at me! I'm crazy!" for five mintues straight for her dare. I wonder how Emmett came up with such a lame dare. Oh yeah, he's _Emmett_.

Sweet as sugaer, Rosalie purred, "Emmett, Truth or Dare?"

"Why does everyone pick me?" he whined. So, he _finally_ realizes that something fishy is going on...

"Shut up and just pick!" Rosalie barked at her husband.

"Dare," he whimpered. Rose was glaring daggers at him and he was cowering in fear.

So he was forced to go to our neighbors' houses again and act like a dog. We hid behind trees and watched him run in circles, sniffing the ground. He nearly gave one old woman a heart attack when he ran up to her and started barking.

Back in our house, Emmett said, "Jasper, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare, Emmett. Only Bella would pick Truth." Bella glared at Jasper and stuck out her tongue for effect.

Emmett thought for a while (Hallelujah! Emmett's actually thinking!) and announced, "Jasper, I dare you to keep your hands off Alice for...one week. Bet you can't do that!" I fell into a vision. Oh, Emmett, you are in for a surprise.

Jasper grinned goofily and leered, "Emmett, in case you haven't noticed, we didn't touch each other for three weeks when we went on a little 'hunting trip' and you tried to drown me in Lake Ontario."

Emmett sighed and mumbled something that sounded like a string of profanities under his breath.

"So, Emmett, Truth or Dare?" Jasper drawled, suddenly becoming interested with his fingernails.

Emmett screamed, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" and ran into his room, slamming the door behind him. Thank goodness it didn't break, or else Emmett would have a _very_ mad Esme after him, though the pure mahogany wood did come close to splintering.

Jasper whined, "I didn't get to say my dare!"

Bella silenced him and hissed, "Be grateful that your soon-to be-though-still-human-because-of-her-stupid-stubborn-vampire-boyfriend sister did not have to go through an Emmett dare."

"Does that mean that Jasper and I can touch again?" I asked to no one in particular. Carlisle nodded.

Jasper scooped me into his arms and ran to our huge room. I was still mad at my big bear brother for burning my clothes. But at least now he was quivering in a corner of his room, on the brink of insanity.

"Mission accomplished," I whispered.

* * *

**Author's Note-So, how was it? I feel like putting up another chapter today...**

**I need more ideas please...**

**PLEASE REVIEW! WHOEVER DOES GETS TO HIDE EMMETT'S UNDERWEAR! (I wonder what'll happen then! -Lightbulb goes off in head-)**


	4. Prank 4

**Author's Note-So...Emmett's not gonna like me for this...**

**If you wanted to know, Jasper's dare was going to be to have Emmett wear a cloak and hold a reaper then go around telling little kids that he is the Grim Reaper. Then, they would have had the pleasure of seeing him being yelled at by a whole bunch of concerned parents who called the police. (Insert awkward moment with Officer Charlie there.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or some pranks. Say hi to Lennon Drop!**

* * *

Prank #4

**Alice's POV**

"Hmmm...let me see..." I murmured, rummaging in Emmett's drawer. I swear, that boy has terrible tastes in clothing.

Emmett was currently having a relaxing afternoon in the bath in my room. At first, he had been a bit wary of anything in my room, but I had just shown to him that I was being a caring sister. So, while he was soaked in hot water, I was putting my plan into action.

Rosalie was in the garage, fixing her her red BMW for the hundredth time since we bought it for her. Jasper was roaming around the house, doing nothing in particular. Edward was in his room listening to Debussy and relaxing. (What is wrong with hip hop?) Bella was spending the afternoon with the dogs. Carlisle was in the hospital saving someones life. And Esme was cleaning the dining room, not that we even use it.

So, there was no one there to catch me in the act.

I picked up a pair of Emmett's undergarments with kitchen tongs. No way was I going to touch them. I picked up the black garbage bag and dropped the underwear inside. Sneakily, I stole every single pair of underwear Emmett owned.

I casually stashed on pair of underwear in the freezer and returned the tongs to their drawer (but not before washing them with soap and water). The bag was tossed into the garbage.

Then, I sat down patiently on the steps to wait.

* * *

One hour later...

"Excuse me! Has anyone seen my underwear?" Emmett called loudly. I giggled quietly and flitted upstairs to Rosalie's room. Everyone (minus Bella) was standing in the doorway, staring with confused expressions on their faces. Why? Because Emmett was standing in the middle of the room, half-naked with a towel around his waist.

Jasper broke the silence first. "_What?_"

"I said, 'Has anyone seen my underwear?' I can't find any!" Emmett whined. There he went with the whining again.

"_Why_ would we have seen your underwear?" Rosalie asked, attitude included.

Emmett let out a wail. "I can't find a single pair! Somebody stoled my underwear!"

"Honey, it's 'stole' not 'stoled'. And who would want to steal your undergarments?" Esme scolded.

Emmett shrugged and started digging through his drawer once more. It was no use anyways. He wasn't going to find a single pair. After all, his underwear were freezing into icy chunks as we spoke.

Carlisle sighed. "Emmett, if this is another one of your jokes, it isn't funny. Hurry up and get dressed."

"This isn't a joke! Why doesn't anyone see that?" Emmett howled.

I, being Alice, stepped to the rescue. "You all know what this means, right?" Everyone turned to stare at me with funny faces. "SHOPPING!"

Five groans were heard echoing around the house. Only Rosalie looked happy, like cheerful little me. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Jasper, and especially Edward acted like they wanted to run for their lives.

I pouted, jutting out my bottom lip and putting on the full force of my puppy eyes. Bella would have turned into a putty by now if I used my pout on her, but she wasn't here. "Not everyone as to go. Only Rosalie, Emmett, and me." Four vampires relaxed and one turned into a puddle. It was pathetic.

"I can't go outside without underwear!" Emmett sniffled. Wow, did shopping scare him that much?

I pretended to fall into a vision. "Hmmm...I saw in my vision that there was one pair of undergarments somewhere in this house!" I chirped. Emmett peered at me hopefully and I danced into the kitchen to retrieve the frozen pair.

"Sorry it's kinda icy. It was in the freezer." I announced. Emmett took it anyways and hopped into the bathroom.

Edward glanced at me sideways with one perfectly arched bronze eyebrow raised. I stifled a giggle and he understood immediately. He mumbled an excuse that sounded like "Pick up Bella." and ran out of the room. I heard his bell-like laughter drifting through the window from his Volvo.

Emmett came out waddling stiffly, like he had a ruler attached to his back.

"Are you okay?" Esme asked, becoming all motherly with concern for her biggest child.

Emmett just grunted in discomfort and waddled like a duck to my canary yellow 911 Turbo Porsche, my gift from Edward for saving him and Bella in Italy.. Rosalie was leaning against it, polishing the coat of paint.

"Ready to go to the mall?" I squealed.

"Yeah!" Rose called enthusiastically. Her husband just whimpered like a pathetic dog.

* * *

Five hours later...

"Alice, can we go home now? My arms are dropping off!" Emmett complained. I didn't blame him. Shopping for underwear happened for the first half-hour, then Rose and I had been buying clothes for ourselves and our almost-sister. Not to mention Emmett carried the bags.

Rosalie snarled, "Are you a vampire or not? 'My arms are dropping off!' That's what a human would say!"

I felt a bit sorry for him, so I injected, "Rose, we've got enough clothes. Maybe we should go...Oh my God! Did you see that awesome blue prom dress? It's practically screaming Bella!" Maybe we weren't ready to go home yet.

I bought the prom dress, which was deep blue and floor-length. It was strapless and perfect for Bella! There were pearl designs on the skirt and waist line, and ruffles on the skirt. I knew Edward would be knocked off his feet by it!

At Victoria's Secret, we bought a three pairs of lacy bikinis: midnight blue for Bella, blood-red for Rose, and simple black for me. Emmett was forced to stay outside, not that he minded.

"Is this enough?" Emmett whined.

"Yes...no! Did you see that beautiful red prom dress? I know you'll love it, Rose!" I gasped.

We snatched the dress and I shoved Rosalie into the dressing room. Emmett let out a pitiful wail and sank onto the ground.

Rose came out (without Emmett seeing) and I squealed in delight. The dress was simple and red, with a plunging neckline that went all the way down to her waist. It was floor-length and was great for Emmett! -Light bulb-

I bought myself a simple black floor-length prom dress with white designs on the top. It was pretty and I knew Jasper would love it.

"Can we go home now?" Emmett hissed. I nodded and shut my eyes to make sure I didn't try to buy anything else.

We got home in one piece, even though Emmett grabbed the wheel and swerved it so we nearly crashed into a tree when I told him I forgot all his underwear at the bottom of the shopping cart. "Why'd you do that?" he yowled.

"There was no room left in the trunk. Besides, it was just a joke," I snapped, wrestling the wheel from his grasp before it could snap in half.

He sulked in his room for the rest of the day while I played "Bella Barbie". She was delighted with the prom dress I bought her and told me that she loved it. (But not before chewing me out for buying something so expensive for her.)

Edward glided into my room, took one look at Bella, snatched her from the chair, and ran to his room. Wow, Bella was going to have one good night...unlike Emmett! I giggled and began planning...

* * *

**Author's Note-You can see the dresses on my profile when I put them up. They'll pop up again in another chapter! (I still can't find out how to put links onto my profile. Please tell me if you know how!)**

**Never mind, I already put the dresses onto my profile! You can go see them if you want!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! If I get 40 reviews, I'll update! But NOT before!**


	5. Prank 5

**Author's Note-Alice is acting a bit funny this week, but little does Emmett know what is in store for him...This happens two weeks after the last prank.**

**Sorry about not updating earlier. My mom **_**insisted**_** that we go to my cousin's house for the day and I hate their computer.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. And some of the pranks' credit goes to Lennon Drop and his/her fabulous story 50 Pranks on Carlisle Cullen!**

* * *

Prank #5

**Alice's POV**

"Hey, guys," I called cheerily as I waltzed into Edward's room without knocking, as usual. Bad idea. "Um, we're going on a triple date tonight, but I'll leave you two alone now..." I slammed the door shut and heard Edward get up to lock it.

Jasper, who was leaning against the wall across from Edward's room, laughed and taunted, "How could you have not seen that? _Some_ physic you are!"

Rosalie charged out of her room and demanded, "What's this about a triple date?"

"Bella is going with Edward, I'm going with Jasper, and you're going with Emmett. We're going to the new expensive restaurant in Port Angeles. And we're going to surprise Tyler, Lauren, Mike, and Jessica, and hopefully deflate their egos." I chirped.

Edward came out of his room with Bella behind him, wiping lip gloss off his cheek.(I forced Bella to wear lip gloss even though she complained that she wouldn't be able to kiss Edward.) "Does this mean shopping?" he asked.

"YES!" I squealed. I saw the looks of horror on the boys' faces. "I already bought your clothes, we just need dresses."

Jasper and Edward sighed with relief, but Bella whimpered. Edward leaned down and captured her lips in a passionate kiss and Jasper whined loudly, "We're still here, you know! And I can feel all the lust and passion coming off you two! Sometimes, I swear you're even worse than Rose and Emmett!" That earned him a hard slap upside the head from Rosalie, but at least Bella and Edward stopped kissing. Their future would had taken a violent and rather unpleasant to see turn if Edward had lost control. (Insert shudder here.)

"Why are we doing this again?" Bella asked, still breathless from her mind-blowing kiss.

"It's a surprise..." I laughed.

* * *

I forced Bella into a gorgeous strapless deep blue dress. It was tight and hugged her curves in all the right places, and it had a bow on the side. It fell to her knees and I knew Edward would be...let's say, pleased. She wanted to wear flats but ended up being forced by Rosalie into a pair of silver three-inch killer heels that would probably make her fall, but Edward was always happy to be of service.

Rosalie wore a shiny red dress that exposed most of her back. It had a red ribbon tied around the waist, and made her look like a model more than ever.

I had a simple black dress that hugged my petite curves. Two black straps started at the sides of the back and came together to join the middle of the front. (Sorry if I'm confusing you. But I, being Alice, just love to describe my shopping masterpieces!)

Edward, as I predicted, was all over Bella, and so was Emmett with Rosalie. Jasper smiled at me, told me I looked beautiful as always, and took my hand. Edward drove his precious Volvo with Bella. Emmett took Rose's BMW convertible (but not without her threatening to kill him if he so much as scratched her baby) and Rose rode with him. Jasper was willing to drive my Porsche.

Once we got to the restaurant, we were seated immediately, due to us looking like angels fallen out of Heaven. I spotted Lauren and Jessica with Tyler and Mike over by the windows. Guess Emmett's prank was just going to have to wait.

Lauren and Jessica saw Edward looking like a Greek god in his fancy clothes and tried, yet again, to take a shot with him.

They sauntered over, seeming more drunk than sexy. "Hey there, Edward," Lauren said in a low, but still nasal voice. If she was trying to be seductive, she had a _long_ way to come. Edward looked up from the menu. The two girls batted their eyelashes furiously and giggled like maniacs.

Before anyone could say anything else, Emmett, being Emmett, asked bluntly, "Do you have something in your eye?"

Both girls blushed, but ignored him. "So, Edward." Jessica purred. "Do you want to hang out with us tonight?"

"Thanks for the offer, but no thanks," Edward answered politely. You could tell that he was totally lying, and that he was clearly irritated. Everyone could see that. Everyone but Lauren and Jessica, at least. "I already have a fiancee." At this point, he took Bella's hand in his and kissed it.

Lauren and Jessica huffed in annoyance and stormed off, probably to take their anger out on Mike and Tyler.

"So, Emmett," I started teasing. "What's this I hear about you singing in the shower?" I then launched into a mildly quiet, but obnoxiously obnoxious version of him singing "Burnin' Up" by the Jonas Brothers.

_I'm hot, you're cold,_

_You go around like you know,_

_Who I am but you don't._

_You got me on my toes._

The whole table was laughing by then and I smirked. Part one of my plan completed.

I continued sneering, "And what was that last night about you having a thing for the Jonas Brothers? Don't they...attract girls more than guys? After all, Bella and Rose and I _love_ listening to their music!"

If Emmett could blush, he would be now. I could almost see his ears turning red.

Edward, being a mind-reader, picked up on what I was doing. "Emmett, you didn't!" he gasped. Everyone turned to look at him in confusion. "I just read his mind and he said that he failed the Advanced Biology test last week!" (This was all false. Edward was a _great_ liar.)

There were gasps of, "What?" and "No way!" circulating around the table.

"Annnnnnnnnnd," I announced, stretching out the word. "Emmett still plays with a sailboat when he takes a bath!" Now everyone was doubled over in laughter and clutching their stomachs.

"I don't!" Emmett tried to keep whatever dignity he had remaining, but it was slipping fast.

"Oh, and Emmett, I know about you sneaking into the bathroom every night to watch Rosalie bathe. I wonder how she could never hear it...probably because you get so relaxed in a bath." I snickered.

Jasper and Edward had to haul Rosalie to her BMW convertible before she blew her top while Bella and Emmett watched helplessly. Oh well, let Rose beat him up in her car. No one was going to hear.

"Was this another one of your pranks?" Bella whispered once Emmett excused himself to go to the bathroom.

I grinned and nodded. "Too bad it lasted only for a short while," I sighed. Then, I perked up. "But there's always the next one! Watch out, Emmett McCarty Cullen! Mwahahahahaha! Sorry, Bells. I just had to do that."

* * *

**Author's Note-You can see the dresses if you want. They're on my profile. (Need I say that?) Bella's shoes are the same as in the picture of her dress. Alice's dress is a little too long in the picture. It only goes down to right before the knees in my story.**

**Sorry for making this chapter so short! I'll make the next one longer! And all that Alice and Emmett said was not true. )**

**I just added the Lauren and Jessica flirting thing because I hate them and they deserved it.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! WHOEVER REVIEWS GETS TO SPEND A NIGHT WITH EDWARD!**


	6. Prank 6

**Author's Note-Emmett is in for a big one tonight...Alice is feeling in an evil mood and all she wants to do is take her anger out on her older brother..._somebody_ better watch his back! I know I'm probably boring you, so read on!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the evil pixie named Alice or Edward Cullen. And some credit goes to Lennon Drop for his/her great story (which inspired this one) 50 Pranks on Carlisle Cullen! Say hi for me! You can see the story on my profile, under the section labeled "Links".**

* * *

Prank #6

**Alice's POV**

"Oh, Esme?" I purred in my sugary sweet voice. My mother turned around and appraised me with raised eyebrows.

"Yes, Alice? What do you want this time? My credit card?" she asked warily.

I thought for a while, then smiled. "No, but that's a good idea..." Esme looked positively scared for her life now.

I turned and waltzed away. "I'm just asking you for a favor, Esme. You'll know what it is later!"

* * *

While Esme was talking with Bella 3 hours later...

"ESME!" I roared, at the caramel haired lady sitting across from the pretty, young brunette. They both looked up with frightened expressions on their faces. Ha! Bella thought I wanted to take her shopping again...though that _was_ a good idea...

"Emmett stole my new Gucci shoes! Can I kill him?!" I wailed.

My adoptive mother sighed. "Yes, you may."

I squealed in delight and flitted up the stairs before Esme could change her mind.

"Um...Esme, you just gave your hyper, over-active pixie of a daughter permission to murder your eldest son because he stole her new Gucci shoes," Bella informed. She was at the house talking to Esme about some problems she had with Edward being a bit _too_ overprotective.

"I did?" Esme gasped in horror. She knew how bad I could get sometimes. "Alice! Get back down here!" she called.

I ignored her and charged into Emmett's room. He was lying on the bed with his wife next to him. I picked Rosalie up and threw her, screaming and letting out a string profanities, out the window, which shattered under the pressure.

Emmett stared at me in shock. "EMMETT! Gimme back my Gucci shoes!" I howled.

"I don't have your Gucci shoes! What are you talking about?!" he snarled right back.

I walked right up to his face and glared at his nose with The Alice Glare. Emmett flinched and hopped off the bed. He bolted for the door screaming, "Rosalie! Help me!" But I wasn't about to let my prey escape. Oh, no, Emmett. You. Are. Not. Leaving. This. Room.

I grabbed the back of his shirt and dragged him into the room again using his hair. The last thing anyone heard was a high pitched scream of terror.

* * *

"So, Alice. Esme told me what you did to Emmett today..." Carlisle started. I beamed up at him as Emmett let loose another whimper. He was sulking in the corner of the his closet while Carlisle and I sat on his king-sized bed.

I nodded. "Yup," I said proudly. "I killed my older brother. See?" I showed him the hunched figure in the dark corner.

Carlisle tsked and told me, "Alice, you are one very surprising girl." I smiled toothily and said nothing.

"But, I have to ask you not to beat up your brother anymore or I will take away your shopping privileges _and_ your credit card for a year." His tone was serious.

"I love you Daddy," I said sweetly in my baby voice. His face remained serious. My lips slipped into my famous, irresistible pout and Carlisle's expression melted. Ha! I always had my way. After all, I was _The_ Alice Cullen!

"Fine, Alice, have your way. But you still are not allowed to beat your brother. He doesn't like it"

"YAY! That means I get to beat him up if I have his permission, right?"

"Alice!"

* * *

The next day...

"Hey, Emmett?" I called sweetly. Too sweetly.

"Yah, Alice?" he answered, too afraid of me to think about not responding.

"Can I beat you up? Carlisle said I have to ask permission or else he's taking my shopping privileges and my credit card away for a whole year!" My tone was bright and chipper. Very cheerful. I didn't sound like someone who would beat up her brother; I sounded like an angel.

Emmett, scared that he would get an even worse beating if he said no, whimpered quietly, "Yes."

"YAY!" I squealed. Emmett covered his ears and winced.

BAM!

BANG!

CRASH!

I walked out of the room and brushed off my hands. Mission complete.

Then, I saw the cutest sundress in Rosalie's most recent fashion magazine for only 1,000. SHOPPING TIME! Where was my credit card? Oh, Rosalie was going to _pay_!

* * *

**Author's Note-My mom still didn't take me off computer restriction, but she forgets everything once she sees her precious garden. So I just gave her a packet of tomato seeds and off she trots to plant them and I get to update. (Even though that means I'll have to eat a lot of tomatoes come autumn.) Sorry for making the chapter so short! I couldn't take any risks!**

**Emmett didn't steal Alice's new Gucci shoes. They were still in the bottom of her very large closet. Evil pixie.**

**By the way, even though this has nothing to do with the chapter or even the story, I love Edward Cullen!**

**I also love Breaking Dawn and can't wait for it to come out, but if Bella picks Jacob over Edward, I'm going to fling the book into the nearest fireplace and pretend that Bella and Edward got married and Bella changed into a vampire and they lived happily ever after. (And screw the Volturi!) **

**THE FOLLOWING MAY, OR I SHOULD SAY, WILL BE OFFENSIVE TO ANY JACOB LOVERS. SO IF YOU ARE ONE, I ADVISE YOU TO STOP READING!**

**No offense to any Jacob lovers, but I HATE Jacob with every fiber of in my petite, twelve-year-old body. I just want to rip him to shreds and throw his guts into one of the bonfires those Native Americans had. Payback for what he did to Bella in Eclipse!**


	7. Prank 7

**Author's Note-Hi, I know the Cullens have a big house, so I decided to have some fun with that...**

**I got a couple of angry Jacob lovers who reviewed and said that what Jacob did was not as bad as what Edward did in New Moon...like I said, sorry, but I have my opinions, and they aren't changing.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or Alice, or Edward, or any of the other characters. I wish.**

* * *

Prank #7

**Alice's POV**

I was in my room, finishing my biology homework, when my computer flashed. A little box popped up in the corner and said _You have one new message_. I groaned and picked myself up, plopping onto the computer chair to read it.

_Dearest Alice,_

_We are having so much fun right now! Irina suggested that we have a ball at our house, since it is so large. The decoration is wonderful because, after all, Kate designed them. The French doors and wall mirrors make the place look beautiful. You should have a formal ball too. That would put some action into your lives, and hopefully put you into high spirits. How is my Eddie doing? Is he good? Does he miss me? Tell him that I love him!_

_Fondly,_

_Tanya_

An idea popped into my head. Never mind the Denali clan. I was sure Edward would look horrified if I told him Tanya missed him. And "Tell him that I love him!"? That girl has got to be kidding me! Edward was happy with no one but Bella, but Tanya was too stubborn to acknowledge that!

"Esme!" I screamed. I ran to Edward's room, where she was dusting. Edward was sprawled on his couch, kissing Bella. (Did he do anything else these days?)

"Yes, Alice?" Esme sighed wearily.

"Let's have a ball!" I squealed.

"No, Alice," she groaned.

"Why not?" Whining.

"Why should we?" Exasperated.

"They're having one in Denali! Tanya sent me an e-mail!" Pouting.

"Oh, really?" Uninterested.

"Yes! Please?" Pleading.

"No." Firm.

"Please, pretty please! I already have the dresses and I'll buy you sunflower seeds!" Bribing.

"Um..." Uncertain.

"PLEASE?!" Begging.

"Fine!" Giving in.

"YAY!" Celebrating.

"But only if you keep yourself in check," she scolded.

"I can! I just need Edward to help me!" Leave all the unpleasant work to him.

Edward's head snapped up from the couch. His lips were slightly swollen (Ewwww!), but he managed to choke out, "What?!"

I grabbed his arm and dragged him downstairs, leaving a bemused Esme and a furious Bella behind me.

* * *

"Alice, this is a prom dress," Bella complained as I forced her into the dark blue strapless prom dress I bought for her.

"Oh, really? I thought it was a mini dress," I said sarcastically. I was wearing a black prom dress with white designs.

"I can't wear it!" Bella protested.

Rosalie, looking stunning in a red prom dress, was applying a layer of mascara on Bella's long eyelashes as I answered, "Yes, you are going to wear that dress." Rose moved onto the eyeliner, then applied deep blue eyeshadow with silver glitter on Bella's eyelids. We decided to leave out the blush.

The three of us walked downstairs. I had personally arranged for the boys to wear tuxes and black shoes. Carlisle and Esme joined. Esme had on a deep violet prom gown that had a puffy skirt and thin, almost invisible straps. (I, bing The Alice Cullen, _had_ to describe all the dresses!)

"You, know, this is a really good idea," Emmett chuckled. Oh, he was going to be eating his words. "I feel like I'm back at senior prom." But something is going to happen tonight that never happened at your senior prom, my dear brother, I thought.

Edward's head snapped in my direction. A large smirk grew on his face and he made it clear he was going to spoil my plan.

I snatched his arm and tugged him outside, where nobody could hear us, even with vampire hearing. "Please, Edward, don't ruin my plan. I really want to see what happens if it works, which it will once you make up your mind," I begged.

His smile widened. "I'm going to tell Emmett your plan--"

"NO!" I interrupted.

"--unless you won't interrupt my and Bella's 'moments' anymore. She was yelling at me about how we were always interrupted." Edward's smile turned wicked as he stated his condition.

"Alright," I huffed. "I won't come barging into your room anymore..."

"So, I want to see how this prank works out..." My younger brother suggested.

I grinned. "Let's go and see then, little bro!"

He followed me into the house, muttering something that sounded like, "Younger brother. Just three months and now I'm _little bro_? Please."

I just snickered in response.

* * *

"Ouch!" Emmett yelped. "Why do I keep tripping?" He had tripped again, for the seventeenth time in one hour. Rose, who was dancing with him, looked annoyed at her husband.

"Emmett, must you keep tripping on thin air?" Carlisle sighed. Emmett tripped again, bumped into Esme, and sent Bella sprawling onto the floor. Edward growled protectively.

Jasper laughed as he spun me around in time to the music oozing from the speakers. "Wow, Emmett. Bella's klutziness must have rubbed off on you, huh?"

Emmett stumbled again and cried, "What is wrong with me tonight?"

"I don't know, Emmett, but I think you pushed me over four times, bumped into people fifteen times, and ticked off Rose eight times," Bella giggled.

I laughed and my big bear brother shot me a dirty look. "Having fun?" he grumbled, sarcasm laced in his voice.

I smiled sweetly and replied, "I'm just having a good night with Jazz, that's all." Jasper looked pleased to hear my response.

"Okay, what is wrong with my dancing skills?" Emmett whimpered as he slipped, did a weird half belly-flop, and landed on his back.

"Don't worry, _Emmy_," I snickered. He scowled at me. "I'm sure your dancing skills are just resting tonight."

Finally, after half an hour, he growled, "I'm tired of this! Rose, I'll be in the room." With that, he stormed up the stairs and punched his way into his and Rosalie's bedroom.

Ten minutes later, we heard him shout at the tops of his lungs, "Who put a 'Trippable' on the bottoms of my shoes?!"

A "Trippable" is a little invention that I invented (of course) that could make anyone trip. Just put it on the sole of a shoe, and mission accomplished!

"Alice, I suggest that you run. Like, now. Emmett's really mad," Edward warned cheerfully.

He was right. I could hear Emmett crashing through the house like a bull in a china shop shrieking, "ALICE! I AM SO KILLING YOU!"

"Good idea, Captain Obvious," I hissed at Edward, then took off.

* * *

Three hours later...

"Has anyone seen Alice?" I heard Emmett ask. There was a chorus of "No"s and I grinned.

"Seriously, where is she?" Jasper muttered frantically.

Edward laughed. Curse him to the fiery pits of Hades if he blew my cover. "I would love to tell you, but I not allowed to," he chuckled.

"Man, where is she?" Rosalie groaned. Edward just snickered.

Emmett grunted, "Let's split up and search then."

"Oh, and Emmett?" Edward added. "Fifty dollars that you won't be able find her."

"You're on."

I heard everyone but Edward get up to look for me.

* * *

Two more hours later...

"Has anyone seen Alice?"

"No."

"Not a trace."

"Nothing."

"Yes." The last was Edward.

"Where?" Everyone yelled. _Tell and you'll wish you never met Bella,_ I hissed in my mind. I knew Edward's soft spots better than I knew my own.

"Sorry, can't tell," he drawled lazily. _Good. Or else Bella's life would have been in danger._

Emmett grunted, "Look, man, just tell us before we end up hurting each other in impatience. And let me tell you, Jasper is _very_impatient." I could hear my husband shouting at Carlisle in the kitchen.

_Tell them after you make sure they don't hurt me,_ I mumbled in my head.

"I'm not telling unless you promise not to hunt her down," Edward laughed.

"Fine. Now tell us where she is," Jasper demanded impatiently.

Edward chuckled. "Okay, but first, Emmett, you owe me fifty." I could hear Emmett snarl in frustration at losing the bet. There were sounds of money being laid on the coffee table and a rustle indicating that Edward pocketed it.

"Now tell us where she is, dude," Emmett growled.

Still chuckling, Edward announced where I was hiding.

"She is in her closet trying on different outfits."

...

"You know how pissed off I am?"

* * *

**Author's Note-The last line was Emmett. Typical Alice thing to do, hide in her closet and try on her new designer clothes cause she grew bored of waiting for them to find her.**

**The prom dresses are on my profile. I put them up before, and yes, they are the same dresses Alice bought in Prank #4.**

**So, how was it? Please review! Whoever reviews gets to spend a week with any Twilight character he/she (mostly "she") wants! (mostly Edward Cullen)**

**By the way, I hate Tanya.**


	8. Prank 8

**Author's Notes-He he! Emmett is in **_**big **_**trouble this time. Why? Read to find out!**

**Rosalie, as you know, is a nicer person, or I should say **_**vampire**_**, to Bella than she was before. She finally accepted that she was going to have a little sister and loves to help Alice torture Bella.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Edward Cullen, much to my dismay.**

* * *

Prank #8

**Alice's POV**

Emmett leaned over Edward's king-sized bed, staring intently at a sleeping Bella. She had fallen asleep last night while I was getting my make-up bag ready. I didn't need to be Jasper to know that Rosalie was upset she hadn't been able to play "Bella Barbie".

Bella groggily peeled open her eyelids. She saw Emmett's huge face as soon as her vision cleared, and let out a scream that had Edward zooming in.

"Did I scare you?" Emmett asked childishly.

"No, Emmett. I always scream first thing in the morning," she answered sarcastically.

"Oh, really?" Emmett looked thoughtful. "Does it, like, help clear your throat?"

Jasper leaned over and smacked his brother upside the head. "She was being sarcastic, Stupid!"

It took Emmett exactly five seconds to understand. "Oh. I knew that." He didn't even acknowledge that Jasper called him "Stupid".

I was in the middle of rolling my eyes when it happened. I fell into a vision that had me gasping for breath and dry sobbing. Jasper was at my side immediately, murmuring comfortingly into my hair, "It's okay, Sweetheart. It's okay."

"What did you see?" Carlisle's worried voice was a surprise. We were so wrapped up in our concern for what I saw we didn't hear him come in.

"T-t-there w-was a p-poor l-little t-t-tabby k-k-kitty b-being abused b-by a t-t-teenager. I-it was s-set o-on f-fire a-a-and--" I choked out.

"Whoa, Alice. Calm down. We can't understand you," Esme soothed. I waited until I was calm enough, then explained.

"There was a poor little tabby kitty being abused by a teenager. It was set on fire and then left in the rain to die. And then the owner used it for a dissection project and sliced its organs up. He left the defenseless animal to die and be eaten by crows!" I was hysterical by the end of my rant.

Edward's lips were pursed in anger. "Let me guess, the owner's name was 'Mike Newton'?"

I could only nod helplessly.

"Don't worry. We'll save the kitten before it's too late," Jasper promised me. I hugged him and watched him and Carlisle leave.

* * *

Two days later...

"Have you seen Chocolate?" I asked Esme. She shook her head and continued planting the sunflower seeds I bought her for the ball.

"Have you seen Chocolate?" I asked Carlisle. He shook his head and continued reading his thick and ancient volume.

"Have you seen Chocolate?" I asked Jasper and Emmett. My husband shook his head and punched Emmett in the gut.

"Have you seen Chocolate?" I asked Rosalie. She shook her head and continued curling her perfect blond hair.

"Have you seen Chocolate?" I asked Edward and Bella.

They were currently in a heavy lip-lock, but broke out of their make-out session when I asked. Bella blushed and Edward fumed, "Didn't you promise not to interrupt us when I told you I was going to tell Emmett your plan?!"

"Oops." I slammed the door to Edward's room shut and stomped away. (Why did I always walk in to find Edward and Bella kissing?)

"HAS ANYONE SEEN CHOCOLATE?!" I whined loudly. My tabby kitten was nowhere to be found. Everyone ran to me, doing various things. Esme was wiping dirt off her hands, onto her garden dress. Carlisle was holding his ancient book. Jasper and Emmett were rubbing various spots where they were "hurt". Rosalie came with her hair in bouncy curls. Edward was wiping red lipstick off his mouth while Bella was...well, blushing.

Edward, who liked Chocolate, scowled at Emmett and said, "Alice isn't going to like this." I threw both of them a withering look.

"Like what?" I demanded.

Emmett kept his gaze on his shoes. "I was thirsty, and it was the closest animal to me...it's still alive, just changing into a vampire cat."

I screamed in rage. Great. A vampire cat, just what this dreary town needed.

"It's not going to be like a newborn vampire. It won't need as much blood as us, and will have perfect control over its thirst. It'll also be a bit more durable," Carlisle injected quietly.

But I hardly heard him. "EMMETT!!" I howled.

"I suggest you run now," Rose hissed to her husband. He bolted.

I ran after him, screaming my anger and holding Esme's old white loveseat over my head. I hit my brother repeatedly on his big burly head as we ran, shrieking loudly, around the house.

* * *

Two weeks later...

I wrapped Chocolate in a large silk designer shirt and hid him in Emmett'd closet. "Now now Chocolate," I scolded. He looked at me with his intelligent topaz eyes. Ever since my kitten was changed into a vampire, he was able to understand human speech. (Not that I was calling myself "human".) "Be a good boy and hide in his closet. Don't come out and don't make a sound until you see me."

He nodded his furry little head and burried himself in the silk folds.

"Carlisle! Esme!" I chirped, skipping down the stairs. "Have you seen Chocolate?"

"No," they both answered in unison.

"I can't find him," I sighed dramatically. "Emmett probably took him again."

I blamed my eldest brother for stealing Chocolate. "But I didn't!" he complained for the fifteenth time in three minutes.

"Yes you did!" I argued back.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Yes!"

"Ha! You _did_ steal Chocolate!" I cried. It was the oldest trick in the book, and he still fell for it.

Emmett sulked and whined and pleaded and did the puppy eyes, but Carlisle and Esme were not swayed. They went upstairs and searched Emmett's room from floor to ceiling. (Or should I say ceiling to floor?)

Carlisle opened the closet and his eyes widened. I didn't blame him; the sight was rather surprising.

Chocolate was tangled in my silk designer shirt, looking up at my father with a cute pleading look in his eyes, and let out a tiny meow. I squealed in delight and scooped the kitten up into my stony arms. "See? I told you Emmett stole Chocolate! He even tied him up in my newest shirt!" Thank goodness my cat was curious and got himself tangled in the mess of cloth that was my shirt.

No matter how much Emmett protested, Carlisle still punished him. He made his son clean my room!

Later that night, as Emmett was mopping the floor, I complained, "You're making it even dirtier! Do it over again!"

He snarled out in between clenched teeth, "If you know how ticked off I am, you wouldn't be speaking!"

* * *

**Author's Note-So, Emmett gets ticked off again. I love Alice! Nasty evil pixie. A word of advice: never get on her bad side. She is torturing Emmett with these pranks all because he got a drop of permanent violet ink on her precious Porsche...**

**A picture of Alice's kitten is on my profile, if you want to check it out.**

**I can't update on June 30, because I have to go to New York...sorry, but hopefully, I can update the day after that!**

**You know I'll write faster if you REVIEW! Please? Whoever does gets to keep Edward Cullen for a week!**


	9. Prank 9

**Author's Note-Like I said, I'm sorry to all those Jacob lovers, but I'm an Edward fan and I always will be. (But maybe I was exaggerating a bit **_**too**_** much in the other chapter when I said I wanted to kill him...I do that a lot...)**

**I'll add Chocolate to this chapter if you want...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the Twilight characters, no matter how much I do.**

* * *

Prank #9

**Alice's POV**

I sighed, bored to death. Why wasn't there anything else to do? I stroked Chocolate's fur and sighed again.

Rather suddenly, but not that surprisingly, I had a vision of Emmett cussing for three hours straight ten minutes ago. That was so Emmett.

"Hmmm...how about we have a bit of fun with my big bear of a brother, Chocolate?" I murmured to my tabby kitten. He looked up at me and meowed. "Emmett's having quite a field day with cursing," I smiled, imagining all the things we could do to him.

Chocolate jumped up and ran outside. I poked my head out of my room to watch him.

Emmett was whistling and strolling casually down the stairs when Chocolate ran in front of him. "Whoa!" Emmett yelled. But it was too late. He tripped over my cat and went sprawling onto the carpet, but not without leaving four dents on the steps.

"Good boy," I giggled to Chocolate as he leaped gracefully into my arms. He purred and rubbed his head against my arm.

"God! What the f-- was that all about? Alice, if you can't control that f--ing kitty of yours, I'm going to beat the c-- out of it. Heck, I'll..." A string of profanities streamed out of my brother's mouth.

"Chocolate says that he's sorry!" I laughed.

Emmett just grunted in reply and heaved himself off the floor. He left. Was it just me, or did he really look like he wanted to get away from me?

* * *

Three hours later...

"Hey, Emmy, wanna bet?" I squealed.

His ears perked up at the word _bet_. "You're on!"

"Okay," I snickered. "I bet you can't go without cursing for one night. Every time you curse, you owe me ten dollars."

"Yeah! I am so gonna win this bet, Alice! Whoooo!" He ran out of the house screaming and laughing like a person that escaped out of an asylum.

If only he knew. No one bets against _The_ Alice Cullen.

"Jasper!" I trilled sweetly. He came running to me.

"Yes?" he questioned. "You called me?"

I smiled. "I need you to beat Emmett at playing video games and wrestling. And don't worry, I already saw a vision of what you winning. Just do your best and you'll be fine." He smirked and nodded, saluting before leaving.

"Edward!" I called. My younger brother appeared in front of me in less than three seconds. I smiled evilly to myself. In fact, my plan was so evil, I already felt sorry for Emmett, and I didn't even put the plan into action yet.

"What?" Edward asked, curious.

"I have a special job for you..." I grinned. Edward leaned closer to hear, and I whispered what he had to do in his ear.

* * *

Thirty minutes later...

"Ha! I beat you again! In your face, Emmett!" Jasper yelled in triumph. Emmett scowled darkly, angry he lost at the video game.

"Rematch! I want a rematch! You cheated!" he argued.

Jasper sneered, "Didn't you say you wanted a rematch for wrestling? And for the game before? And the one before that? And the one before _that_?"

I tapped on Edward's shoulder. He was busy writing on a clipboard. "How many, Eddie?" I asked.

"Three, no four hundred. Wow, Emmett can really string them together. Oh, and _don't_ call me _Eddie_!" he answered.

I just smiled angelically and danced over to the two boys who were bickering like five-year-olds now. "Are you guys done fighting over who won yet? Because if you are, I have to use the television," I laughed.

Both of them grunted and Emmett got up to leave. But I stopped him. "Emmett, you cursed--" I checked the clipborad. "--two thousand, eight hundred fifty three times. Which means you owe me...twenty eight thousand, eight hundred thirty dollars."

"_What?!_" he exclaimed. "I didn't curse that many times!"

"Yes you did!" I argued.

"When?" he shot back, a look of triumph on his face.

I didn't answer. I just pointed to Edward, who had a look of pure innocence on his face.

"You never said that I couldn't curse in my mind!" Emmett howled.

I grinned. "I never said how you cursed. I just said, 'I bet you can't go without cursing for one night. Every time you curse, you owe me ten dollars.' So, mental cursing is included."

Edward nodded. "She's right, you know."

"So, pay up," I smirked.

Emmett grumbled and lumbered upstairs. He knocked three times on Carlisle's library door and entered. He told Carlisle about our bet. "So I owe her twenty eight thousand, eight hundred thirty dollars," Emmett mumbled. "Can I borrow?"

"Emmett," Carlisle sighed. "You really need to stop betting. Especially with Alice. Everyone but you knows to never bet against her."

I danced over to Emmett. "My money?"

"Here," Emmett gave me a bundle of cash.

"SHOPPING TIME!" I squealed.

I heard everyone groan in horror. "Yay!" I grabbed Rose and Bella and dragged them away.

As I was shoving a reluctant Bella into my Porsche, I heard Jasper mutter, "Em, be grateful that she didn't want to take you shopping too."

"Great idea! Thanks for reminding me, Jasper!" I squealed again. "Come on, Emmett! It's time to get you a new wardrobe!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

* * *

**Author's Note-That's it. Sorry it's so short. I'm still on computer restriction and I was caught last time, but I convinced my mom to let me finish the one chapter. Don't worry, I'll still try my best to update!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! Whoever reviews gets to steal Edward Cullen for thirteen days! (Poor Edward though)**


	10. Prank 10

**Author's Note-I'm really really sorry, but I can no longer update everyday, though I will do my best to. My mother is...let's say...not happy with me typing anything on the computer. It's always, "Why can't you write it?" Adults don't get modern technology, do they?**

**Disclaimer: Disclaimers are stupid, but I have to say that I do not own Twilight...yada yada yada...**

* * *

Prank #10

**Alice's POV**

I picked up the phone with my elegantly manicured left hand while punching in the numbers with my right hand. I waited for a few seconds, listening to the chiming ring of the telephone, until someone picked up.

"Hello, Tanya?" I squealed.

"Alice?" she giggled. "Is there something you need?"

I grinned. "Yes, there is. But tell me if you're busy right now. It's a small task."

"Oh, Alice! I met the most wonderful guy! His name's Dave! And he's a vegetarian vampire like us! Maybe now, we'll be as happy as Carmen and Eleazar! But of course, I'll help you!" Tanya giggled again, happier than I had ever heard her.

"I'm sending Emmett to Denali, okay? Steal his Jeep keys and hide them. That's all you have to do," I laughed.

"Are you pranking him, like I heard from Irina? Is that why you're so...optimistic?" Tanya questioned.

I replied, "Oh course I'm pranking him! This is payback for dropping violet permanent ink on my canary-yellow 911 Turbo Porsche! No one spoils Alice Cullen's car and gets away with it!"

"Alright. Send him over. Kate's gonna steal the keys, and you'll do the rest, right?"

"Yup. When he's gone, empty his Jeep of oil. Oh, and when he returns, give him the wrong keys!" I was so evil...

Tanya giggled, "I want to see his face when he finds that out!"

I smiled and hung up.

"Emmett!" I called loudly. "Tanya called and says that she needs your help! NOW!"

"Tell her I'm busy!" he bellowed back.

I thought for a while. "If you go, I'll let you play with Bella for the first hour after you get home!" I bribed.

"Okay! Yay, I get to play with the human!" Emmett swallowed my bribe faster than Edward could run.

Bella stormed over to me. "Alice, why do I have to be the 'prize'? I'm not a toy! And unless you want Edward to rip you to shreds, you better tell Emmett that the deal's off!"

"Patience, Bella," I smiled. "Emmett will never have the chance to play with you." I raised my voice so Emmett could hear. "Oh, and Emmy, bring a cell phone! You'll be needing it!"

Emmett hopped into the car and drove off as fast as his Jeep would allow him, which I think was 130 miles per hour.

* * *

3 hours later...

"Phone?" I held my hand out, palm up. Rosalie handed me her new bright pink i-Phone and I grabbed it. I scrolled down the contacts list until I found Emmett's name. "Who wants to do it?" I asked.

"Me!" Jasper cried, like a hungry five-year-old that was asked if he wanted to eat.

I handed Rosalie's phone to Jasper, but not before Rose warned that she was going to kill him if he so much as dropped her precious baby. Edward said, "I thought your car was your baby," which earned him a smack upside the head from his blond sister.

Jasper texted, _Get home NOW! The house is on fire! If you're not home in 3 hours, you're being disowned for not helping the family in times of need!_ He then sent the text to Emmett's cell.

We sat on the steps to wait.

Two hours later, Emmett came running up to us, shouting, "Where's the fire? Where's the fire?"

"Does it look like there's a fire?" I asked.

"But I got a text message saying that there was a fire and that if I wasn't home in three hours, I was disowned!" Emmett wailed.

Bella chuckled, "Oh, yeah. This random kid ran up to Rosalie and asked to use her phone. He said that his house was on fire and that he needed his brother to catch the nearest flight from Michigan. But he was trembling so much, he sent the message to your phone instead. Sorry about that."

Everyone, including Emmett, silently gaped at Bella. Since when was she such a good liar?

But Emmett was shocked that he ran all the way home only to find that it was a mistake.

"Where's your Jeep?" Jasper mused.

"I can't find the keys," Emmett pouted sadly.

"Well go look for them!" I snapped. "You know how mad Carlisle's going to be if you can't find your car keys!"

Emmett scurried away, back to Denali and we burst into laughter once he was out of earshot.

I got a vision of him trying in vain to push the wrong key into the ignition. Then, when he got the right keys, he had to lug back ten gallons of oil in order to fuel his Jeep. Poor kid.

I told the others what I saw and they cracked up again.

* * *

6 hours later...

Emmett pulled up outside our house...I mean, mansion. By now, the sky was dark and it was a bit past midnight.

"Where have you been?" Esme scolded. "Didn't you know how worried I was?"

"Tanya needed me to fix her sink pipes. And I lost my keys and my Jeep was stubborn so I had to drag ten gallons of oil instead of going to those gas stations, cause there were none," Emmett grumbled. Then, he launched into his story.

I was lightly brushing midnight blue eyeshadow on Bella's lids when Emmett charged into the room. "I'm supposed to be able to play with the human, remember?" he asked childishly.

I rolled my eyes and rubbed on ruby lipstick, then soft pink lip gloss on Bella's full lips. "Emmy, you spent the first hour explaining everything to Carlisle and Esme. I said you could play with her only for the first hour." Thank god our parents knew how to stall.

Emmett whined and pouted, but I wasn't about to be swayed. In the end, he left to his room to sulk.

_Ring ring ring!_ The bell-like chimes of the telephone (there was no way The Alice Cullen was going to allow Esme to buy a regular shrill telephone) interrupted me forcing Bella into a baby blue knee-length dress and silver stilettos. I danced off to answer the phone as Edward grabbed Bella and ran back to his room to do God knows what.

"Hello?" I chirped.

"How did it go? Was Emmett mad? Did he find out about you? Tell me! I'm dying here!" Tanya bombarded me with questions.

I laughed. "Slow down, Tanya. The plan went fine. In fact, it was better than we expected. Emmett is sulking in his room now. He never did find out who was the master mind behind this all." He was too lazy and too slow to catch up to me!

Emmett stormed out of his room, tripped over Chocolate, and crashed into Edward's door. The wood split in half.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! NOT AGAIN!!" Emmett screamed, covering his eyes and running away, bumping into walls and tripping over furniture. I just watched him go.

"What happened? It sounds like a bomb went off over there." Tanya sounded curious.

I giggled like mad. "Nothing. Emmett just tripped over my cat and broke Edward's door. Not to mention he saw Edward and Bella doing God knows what. Now, Edward doesn't have a door anymore. I have to thank Emmy for changing Chocolate sometime." My kitten purred in delight.

Tanya said she had to go, so I hung up. I strolled down the stairs and walked into the kitchen.

"Who stole my bottle of blood? I always keep a bit of blood in a wine bottle for when I don't feel like hunting, but now it's gone from the fridge!" Emmett whined in a pathetically annoying voice.

"I don't know," everyone called out.

Chocolate licked his mouth and purred pleasantly. I looked closer at him, and noticed drops of red liquid on his whiskers. Uh oh.

"Should we run?" I hissed quietly at my cat. He nodded his furry little head.

I bolted.

* * *

**Author's Note-Yay, my longest chapter so far! Well, more like my second longest. I change my mind, Tanya isn't evil, so I decided to be nice to her and gave her a mate. I don't want her chasing after Edward all the time.**

**Pictures of Bella's baby blue dress and silver stilettos are on my profile.**

**Chocolate stole Emmett's bottle of blood and drank it. An evil pixie has an evil kitten. How fitting.**

**Please REVIEW! Whoever does gets to keep their favorite Twilight character for two weeks! (That means anyone including Edward, Jacob, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Bella, Esme, blah blah blah. Everyone has different tastes.)**


	11. Prank 11

**Author's Note-Hi! Um...what else am I supposed to say? I am dearly sorry that I have not had the chance to update for the past...week or so, was it? Anyways, I'm trying to make this chapter long to make up for lack of updates, but it's hard! Oh, and check out my other stories please!**

**Disclaimer: Disclaimers are stupid, but I have to say that I do not own Twilight...yada yada yada...**

* * *

Prank #11

**Alice's POV**

I lay on my king-sized bed with Jasper, both of us just relaxing and enjoying each others company. I had my head on his stone chest, with my tiny arms wrapped around his torso, and he had his face buried in my black spikes, strong arms around my slender waist.

"I'm bored," I said dully.

Jasper instantly was at my beck-and-call. "What do you want to do, love?" he murmured into my hair.

I thought for a while, and a mischievous grin appeared on my small face, giving me an elfish look. Jasper raised his eyebrows.

"I'm going for a walk and will put my plan into action as soon as I think it out," I giggled madly.

Jasper was terrified. "What is your plan?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out!" I cackled. Then, I roughly shoved him out of our vast bedroom and left him standing, very confused, in the long but thankfully empty hallway.

When he left, I tiptoed into Rosalie's room and picked up her make-up bag. I poked through it sneakily. I took a pretty pink blush out.

But no! There, sitting at the bottom, was a tube of lipstick. I snuck it out, adding an ebony eyeliner pencil and a stick of mascara to the growing pile.

I didn't need the rest of the make-up, so I threw the bag out the window. Perfect!

I smiled evilly and ran back to my room before anyone could catch me and force me to abandon my marvelous plan. Oh boy, Emmett McCarty Cullen. You are in for a _**big**_ shocker.

* * *

The next day...

"Let's play Bella Barbie!" I said in a sudden chipper tone just as Bella was passing my room.

"No!" she squeaked, horrified.

I pouted. "But I wanna play Bella Barbie! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" I begged, stretching the word into eight syllables.

She melted slightly under my pouting expression.

Chocolate purred and looked up at her with the most adorable, wide eyes ever. "Mew?" he meowed.

Her stubbornness dissolved and she huffed, "Fine."

I squealed in excitment and I dragged her into the room, purposefully not locking the door.

Rosalie came in and saw what I was doing. "Ooh! I wanna do the make-up!" she exclaimed.

"Sure! At least you don't go overboard like _someone_ I know!" Bella cried eagerly in case Rose changed her mind. I stuck my tongue out at her, feeling like a five-year-old who'd been insulted.

"Wait right here! I'm getting my make-up bag!" Rosalie squealed just as loudly as I did.

She ran out of my bedroom and into hers. Everyone in the house could hear her rummaging around for her make-up kit. Ten minutes later, I heard her yell, "Who took my make-up kit?"

"Honey, why would anyone take your make-up bag?" Emmett asked, looking unintentionally guilty.

But Rose barely heard him. She was busy tossing random articles of clothing around the room while searching. "It's not here!" Her voice was muffled.

I waited for Emmy Bear to leave, then glided over to Rose. I sympathetically placed a cold hand on her shaking shoulder and whispered, "It's okay, Rosie. We'll get you your make-up bag."

"But..." she whimpered, her full bottom lip trembling. It was a heart-breaking expression. I wondered,off-topically, if this was what Bella did to make Edward turn into a guilty puddle.

"ALICE!" Edward yelled, irritated.

"Sorry!" I yelled back. Then, I murmured, "Rose, I know where your bag is."

Her head snapped up. "You do?"

"Yes," I answered. "Last night, I saw Emmett acting all sneaky and taking out some of your products. Then, he threw it out the window. I think he was afraid we wanted to dress him up."

Rosalie went from distressed, to hopeful, to flaming mad in under ten seconds. Wow.

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN! GET YOUR UNGRATEFUL...BACKSIDE OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!" she roared. No cursing with Esme in the house.

He came, looking like a dog with its tail between its legs. "Yes, Rosie?"

"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY MAKE-UP KIT?!"

"Nothing! You know I--"

"NOTHING?! _NOTHING?!_ IF YOU DID NOTHING, THEN WHERE IS IT?!"

"I don't know--"

"OH, THAT REALLY HELPS! DID YOU GO INTO THE ROOM LAST NIGHT?!"

"Yes, but--"

"DO YOU KNOW WHERE MY MAKE-UP BAG IS?!"

"Yes, but--"

"WERE YOU AFRAID WE MIGHT DRESS YOU UP?!"

"Yes, but--"

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BAG?!"

"Rosie, let me explain--"

"OH, THERE'S NOTHING TO EXPLAIN! YOU'RE IN **BIG** TROUBLE, YOUNG MAN!"

I took immense pleasure watching Rosalie flay her husband alive. It was even better than watching Emmett get chewed out by Esme for throwing a football too hard and shattering one of her windows.

"I hate you Emmett McCarty Cullen!" Rose yelled. At least she lowered the volume of her voice.

"I love you Rosie," he answered.

"Really?" she gasped.

"Really." Then, they started to get hot and heavy, and I took that as my cue to leave.

As soon as I set foot upon the first floor, I was ambushed by Edward. "What happened?" he demanded.

I giggled, but didn't say anything.

Edward tried to read my mind, but I carefully blocked him out. After years of having a nosy, mind-reading brother who know every secret the family had, I learned to block his power with disturbing (at least to him) mental pictures of Jasper.

Now, I started singing his most annoying and agonizing song in my head, _I know a song that gets on every-body's nerves, everybody's nerves, every-body's nerves. I know a song that gets on every-body's nerves, and this is how it goes: I know a song that gets on every-body's nerves..._

Edward groaned and clutched his head in agony. "If it gets on every-body's nerves, then why must you sing it, Alice?!" he cried, falling to his knees.

"Who told you to listen?" I sang, and skipped around his lean figure. I was cackling like a witch inside.

Bella came downstairs looking like a goddess, took one look at her beloved Edward, and turned to me. "What's up?" she asked casually, jerking her chin towards the trembling boy.

"He's having some mental problems," I answered, then left her to comfort the quickly recovering Edward.

I then remembered that Rose was supposed to be killing Emmett. The noises coming from their room died down, so I ventured in.

"Rose?" I called

"Yeah?" she called back breathlessly.

"Ummm, I don't know how to say this, but aren't you supposed to be torturing Emmy?" Chocolate appeared again and nodded his fuzzy head violently, agreeing with me.

"I am?" Rose sounded surprised. I pointed to the window. She looked out, and had flames dancing in her eyes when she turned back.

Emmett muttered under his breath, "I was hoping she'd forget. Thanks a lot, Alice."

"You're welcome, and have fun!" I laughed. "Oh, and I hope you don't mind that Chocolate took your Jeep for a quick spin!"

"What?" he choked out, his eyes bulging. I was surprised he could make any noise at all. "Where is it now?"

"Ummm..." I drawled, stalling.

He was getting impatient. "Where is it?!" he demanded,

I chuckled. "Patience is a virtue, Emmett."

"Where?!"

"Oh, it's wrapped around an oak tree half a mile from the house," I said, inspecting my perfectly manicured nails. Chocolate purred his approval.

Emmett howled, then yelped when Rose grabbed his ear painfully. I left.

* * *

**Author's Note-So, how was it? Please check out my poll on my profile.**

**And in case you're wondering, Alice stacked cushions on the driver's seat so Chocolate could see out the windshield. As for the gas pedals, she used string sticks attached to kitty-sized shoes and asked Chocolate nicely to wear the shoes. Of course, he obeyed his mistress.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! If you do, you get to participate in the sale. I'm putting Edward Cullen up for bidding. Let's start with two-hundred, shall we?**


	12. Prank 12

**Author's Note-I'm soooooooooo sorry that I haven't updated for forever. By the way, I'm thinking about making a sequel for this story. Tell me in your reviews if it should be called ****Ways To Annoy The Heck Out Of Edward Cullen**** or ****Ways To Piss Off Edward Cullen****. But don't worry, this story isn't even close to finished yet! I'm just one of those people that need to plan a story three months before writing it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters I would very like to torture (coughEmmettcough).**

* * *

Prank #12

**Alice's POV**

I sat back, crossed my legs, and waited for my Jazzy to come home from hunting. Suddenly, but not too unexpectedly, I had a vision.

_Emmett complained, "But I wanna go on that one!"_

_"No, Emmett. You're not allowed to," Esme scolded him in, sounding unintentionally like an impatient mother trying to explain to her one-year-old son that two plus two equals four, not three._

_Emmett pouted. "Pwease? Pweatty pwease?" he asked in his baby voice._

_"No, Em. Look. There's the Kingda Ka. Why don't you go and have fun on that one?" Edward sighed._

_"But I want to go on this one!" Emmett wailed. "Please? Bella?" She shook her head. "Rose?" She rolled her eyes. "Carlisle?" He pretended he didn't hear. "Alice?" I gave him my famous, annoying chipmunk smile. "Jasper?" He whistled an army tune and stared off into space. "Come on, man!" Emmett scowled at my Jazz. "Eddie..." my big brother whined. Edward smiled sweetly._

_"Sorry bro, no can do," he grinned. "By the way, the name's Edward."_

I pulled out of the vision and screamed loudly in eagerness and happiness. Rosalie, my partner in crime, came running. "What did you see?" she asked, breathless from excitement.

"We're going to Six Flags Great Adventure!" I squealed. **(A/N-I know Six Flags Great Adventure is in New Jersey, but that's the only Six Flags I've been to and I know all the rides there. So please pretend that the Six Flags is in Washington. Thanks!)**

"That's it?" she asked in disappointment. He shoulders slumped; she really wanted to prank her husband today.

I squealed again. "No! We're going to make sure Emmett DOES NOT have the time of his life there!" When I said that, a spark of interest lit her face.

"I'm helping!" she injected.

"Of course you are!" I assured her, grinning cheekily.

I walked around the house, making sure no one was supposed to do anything important today, like go to the hospital. Jasper was reading about the Civil War under our bed. (Don't ask me why _there_.) Esme and Carlisle were both in his office, talking about children. Emmett was playing video games.(Again?!) And Edward was on his bed cuddling with Bella.

"Awww...you guys are so cute!" I chirped happily. Edward's head snapped up, shock and surprise written all over his face. Wow! I surprised the great mind-reader! He really did forgot everything when Bella was near him.

_We're going to Six Flags!_ I thought. He looked at me with his are-you-out-of-your-mind face. "Alice," he hissed. "We can't go there! You know Emmett's gonna flip!" _My intentions._ He shook his head, bronze hair flying. "You're crazy!"_ Why thank you, Mr. I-Can-Hear-Voices-In-My-Head._ "Forget I said anything." Then, he went back to cuddling with his beloved fiancee.

"Dad! We're going to Six Flags!" I told Carlisle. He nodded absent-mindedly without tearing his eyes off the page.

Esme just said into the book, "That's nice, dear." and buried her nose back into the passage.

Jasper was more enthusiastic, trailing me like a little lost puppy. "Emmett! We're going to Six Flags!" I yelled in my bear brother's ear.

He grumbled and waved me away like a was an annoying fly, focusing on the TV where he was 'battling' a purple fire-breathing dragon. I grabbed the controller and threw it at his head. He squawked loudly and started flapping his arms like a bird, shooing me away.

When all of us finally managed to squeeze into Edward's Volvo and my Porsche, we zoomed off to Six Flags.

"Wow!" Bella gasped. "The rides are huge!"

"Let's go on the Superman Ultimate Flight!" Rose screamed, and we took off. Emmett was whining that he wanted to go on the merry-go-round.

We had tons of fun knocking our heads off on the Nitro, Batman, El Toro, Medusa, and Rolling Thunder. Emmett sulked.

"Let's go on the Kingda Ka!" Jasper yelled, one of the only times he was laughing and very loud. He was staring intently at the tallest roller coaster in the world. Bella wanted to sit out because she was feeling sick, and Edward sat out with her. Emmett was kicking up a fuss.

"But I wanna go on that one!" he whined, pointing at the merry-go-round.

Esme sighed. "No, Emmett. You're not allowed to." I smiled, visualizing my big bear of a brother scaring all the little kids off and breaking the wooden horses with his strength.

"Pwease? Pwetty pwease?" he pouted. Everyone else shook their heads and frowned.

"No, Em. Look. There's the Kingda Ka. Why don't you go and have fun on that one?" Edward replied shortly.

"But I want to go on this one!" Emmett wailed. He turned to Bella. "Please? Bella?" She shook her head.

"Rose?" She rolled her eyes and flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"Carlisle?" Our dad kept looking another way, pretending not to hear anything.

"Alice?" I gave him my chipmunk smile which never ceased to piss him off to any degree.

"Jasper?" He whistled an army tune and stared off into space while tapping his foot. "Come on, man!" Emmett scowled.

"Eddie..." my big brother whined.

Edward smiled sweetly. "Sorry bro, no can do," he grinned. "By the way, the name's Edward."

Emmett looked ready to throw a tantrum. "Em," Bella hurriedly tried to console him. "The Kingda Ka is thrilling and really fast. It has a lot of speed and it goes at 128 miles per hour. Doesn't it sound cool?"

"No."

Bella sighed in frustration, then dragged Edward off with her to get some fries.

At the end of the day, Emmett still hadn't been allowed to go on the merry-go-round.

"Emmett," I chirped. "How about we play enie-meanie-miny-moe? Then, if we get the merry-go-round, you can go on it. But if we don't you have to go on the ride I pick."

"Okay," he said. "Deal."

Edward grunted. "Why don't you just say what wins, Ms. Psychic?"

"Batman."

"Awww!" Emmy whined. "I hate that ride!"

"You made a deal with Alice," Carlisle pointed out. "And you still owe me twenty-eight thousand, eight hundred thirty dollars from your bet last time."

He grumbled a lot, but went on the ride anyways, screaming his heart out when they plunged down. If he were human, he would have thrown up.

"I hate that," he groaned.

"I know," I answered.

* * *

**Author's Note-I'm so excited! I haven't read Breaking Dawn yet, so I'm bursting with eagerness. And I'm really sorry that I haven't update for so long yet, but I have to finish summer homework. (Pfft. Read three books and write a six paragraph essay for each. I could get that done in three days.)**

**Please review! Thank you all so much! I owe you guys!**


	13. Prank 13

**Author's Note-Hi! It's me again, Crazy Twilight Lover. I haven't updated in forever, I know. I'm very very sorry, but trust me, it's only the third day of school and my Algebra (Can you imagine algebra in 7th grade?), Health, Science, Language Arts Literacy, and Civics teachers already got me homework.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anybody, sadly, but might I mention? I LOVE EDWARD CULLEN! Okay, I'm satisfied.**

* * *

Prank #13

**Alice's POV**

I danced down the stairs like a little pixie fairy.

"Ooooooooooooh Emmy?" I sang, dragging the words out. My big bear of a brother took one look at me and bolted in fright. I frowned after him.

"Dang it," I muttered. "I didn't get to pull the prank on him." Then, I smiled widely. "But I still have forever to do it!"

And with that, I spun on my heel and left the living room. (Though none of us but Bella were "living".)

I spent thirty minutes plotting how exactly to get Emmett to crack. Then, a sudden lightbulb lit in my head. I should infuriate him by saying the same thing over and over again! That worked before!

* * *

Half an hour later...

I walked into the garage, where my huge brother was kneeling in front of his red Jeep turning knobs and using wrenches furiously. All six feet five inches of him was bulging with muscles.

I peered at him. "Watcha doin'?" I asked Emmett. He was so busy working on his car that he didn't bother to acknowledge me. "Watcha doin'?" I asked again, walking to stand in front of him.

He grumbled quietly and muttered, "Can't you see I'm working on my Jeep? Leave me alone."

I chuckled just to get him pissed off. "Ooo...Somebody's in a bad mood..."

"Shut up," he mumbled.

"Guess what?" I said suddenly, sounding very excited.

"What?" he rumbled.

"I'm bored."

"Good for you."

"No, seriously."

"Why don't you go bother someone else like Eddie?" he suggested.

I could hear Edward snarl in annoyance from his bedroom. "Don't call me Eddie!" he shouted, as Bella tried to sooth him. His voice reached us faintly, but we could still hear him clear as a bell.

"He's boring," I said, dismissing the subject as if I were a teacher scolding a student.

Emmett snorted. "You're both boring. Now, if you please. Good-bye."

I scowled at him. "If you tell me to leave, I'm gonna pull off an 'Rosalie'..." I warned.

"HEY!" Rosalie bellowed from where she was sprawled on her bed. I had invented the phrase "Pull off a Rosalie", which meant have a temper tantrum like Rose's frequent ones.

He looked terrified for about six seconds.

"So...Guess what?" I chirped.

"What?"

"You have grease on your pants. And on your shirt," I pointed out.

"Oh," he said, looking down onto his clothes.

"Sike! Madeja look!" I shouted happily!

He cursed loudly.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Just felt like saying that."

"Guess what?"

"What?" he sighed wearily.

"You have a--" I wrote something on my paper that read: _-attitude_

"What's that?" he questioned curiously, peering at the word on the paper.

I rolled my eyes. "It's says 'negative attitude'. Dude, you have such bad common sense, it isn't even common anymore, at least not with you around."

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"What does this say?" I pushed my paper at him with two words enscribed on it.

_Stand_

_I_

"What the heck is that?" he asked me. "Is this some kind out psychic message? It's doesn't make sense! Stand I?"

I rolled my eyes again. "That was a test, Emmett. It proves that you are truely dumb. That says 'I understand', because 'I' is under 'stand'."

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Just felt like saying that."

We were quiet for about five seconds, then I asked again abruptly, "Guess what?"

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm bored. Can we go shopping?"

"No."

Another five seconds. Then, I chirped. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"Can I give you a makeover?"

"No."

Five more seconds. Then, "Guess what?"

"If I say what, will you stop bothering me?"

"Maybe...so, guess what?"

"What?" he sighed, obviously tired of my little game. But I couls play forever.

"Nothing. I just felt like opening my mouth."

"Shut up."

Five seconds later, I asked again, "Guess what?"

"Will you please shut your yap and keep it shut?" he asked irritably.

"No."

Another five seconds. "Guess what?"

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!"

**Author's Note-And, that's the end of it. I know this chapter is very like the second chapter, but I couldn't resist doing it again.**

**I finished Breaking Dawn for the fourth time. I love it! I kinda expected that Jacob would imprint on Bella's daughter and the Volturi would come. I don't like how brief the ending was, but hey, it's over and there's nothing I can say about it. It's over. :( But at least Edward got a look at Bella's mind; that was so sweet I almost started crying, and it's not easy for books to make me cry. :) The two words that upset me the most were: The End.**

**By the way, when you review, can you please give me an idea on what I should call the sequal to Ways To Piss Off Emmett Cullen? It's the same as this story, only Alice annoying Edward.**

**Please REVIEW! Whoever reviews gets to bid for any Twilight character! (Me: "This is the sexy, charming, well known Edward Cullen. He is 6'2", with bronze hair, a perfect face, and totally smexy gold eyes. How about the bidding start at one thousand dollars?")**


	14. Prank 14

**Author's Note-Hi everyone again! Long time no hear from me. Okay guys, I know I have a lot of stories, so I've made a plan. I'm just going to focus on ****His Emerald Eyes****, ****I Hate How Fate Plays With My Heart****, and ****Ways To Piss Off Emmett Cullen****. Then, when those are finished, I'll focus on my other stories. Hope you're not too disappointed!**

**Disclaimer: I hate these, especially since I write them in every chapter. I don't own anything, blah blah blah...the usual...Stephenie Meyer owns all...**

* * *

Prank #14

**Alice's POV**

The good thing about being so small and pixie-like is that you can be very stealthy when you want to. And I definitely needed to be extremely secretive now.

I held the rusty stolen car keys in my hand, tight enough so they won't fall, but loose enough that I wouldn't reduce the metal to dust. Now trust me, _that_ had happened quiet a number of times before and it involved a locked knob, a broken door, and a small pile of dust on the porch steps. Esme was hysterical when she returned from hunting and found her expensive mahogany wood door in shambles.

I slid the key as quietly as I could into the car door, jamming it in a bit roughly. The cruiser was so old, and the keyhole was rusty.

Edward grinned wickedly at me, his bright gold eyes amused and glinting with mischief. "Charlie's still asleep. And he's dreaming about how he wants to painfully murder me while avoiding going to jail." Ah, so Charlie still hated my little brother.

I nodded happily, then opened the door. It was dark in the middle of the night, but I could still see. Vampire senses come in handy. At times.

I pushed the key into the ignition, and the police car roared to life like an angry beast, loud enough to wake the whole neighborhood. I flinched slightly, then looked at Edward. He nodded to tell me it was safe, and that Charlie was still in La la Land. Wow, that man must sleep like a pig. I bet I could rip a chainsaw to life, run it through his house, and he would still be oblivious.

I pulled out of the Swans' short driveway and sped for home. Drat that police cruiser. It could barely reach sixty miles. It was as bad as Bella's truck. I vaguely wondered how Charlie caught speeders. He probably told someone else to do it.

Rose threw open the door, saw me behind the wheel of Charlie's precious car, and grinned wildly. "Good job. My turn now."

I got out of the car and Rose drove it into the garage to give it a makeover.

Only about twenty minutes later, my blond sister came out, beaming like she won the lottery.

The cruiser was fantastic. Rosalie had drawn a huge lion with its mouth wide open on the driver side of the car with washable marker, adding a savanna behind the large creature. Edward took one look at it, shook his head, and said, "I am highly offended."

Rose stuck her tongue out at him and he mimicked her behind her back. Those two were hilarious. And childish.

"Guys, that's not the point. The point is, we need to get Emmett in trouble. _Lots _of trouble," I injected.

So, Edward left, and Jasper waltzed in. He skillfully drew a bloody scene from the Civil War on the other side of the car, complete with blue clad figures and gray clad figures shooting randomly at each other.

"How's that?" he asked me, leaning back to admire his handy work.

I smiled gratefully at him and pecked his cheek. "Thanks Jazzy. Thanks for helping us."

He smiled back. "You're welcome. And this is just revenge for Emmett since he cheated on our video game tournament."

I stared at his work a bit longer before saying, "Where did you learn to draw all this detail from?"

"That was the skirmish I participated in right before I was changed. The Confederates won, of course."

"I hope you don't mind that all your hard work is going to be washed away," I reminded him.

He smiled sweetly at me. "Don't worry, love. I don't mind. I could always paint another picture, and it would be just for you." I hugged him tightly for his loving and caring words.

"You two! Stop making googly eyes at each other!" Rosalie barked. "I'm trying to make my dear husband grovel on his knees and you're just standing there uselessly, trying to see who can express more love!" I didn't need to be Jasper to know that she was joking.

Before long, the cruiser was ready. What used to be a black and white police car was now half an African savanna scene, and half a gory Civil War skirmish. Might I add there was also washable marker graffiti on it?

It was just a few more hours til dawn. I couldn't wait.

* * *

Charlie was storming around the house, looking furious and pacing like a caged animal. "Where is my cruiser? I can't go to work without it! Frank needs me today, its Richard's day off! If I don't find my car in one hour..."

Edward was sitting in the kitchen, consoling Charlie and soothing the raging man. Bella was rubbing calming circles on her father's back.

"You!" Charlie roared, pointing an accusing finger at Edward. "You stole my cruiser, didn't you?!"

Edward shook his head, looking perfectly innocent. "No, sir, of course not. I have no inkling on where it is."

"Dad, stop blaming Edward," Bella complained. She was in on the secret.

He turned to her, and his expression immediately softened a bit. "Honey, today is an important day. I need to get to work."

"I know, Char--Dad, but Edward didn't do anything." She shot a sweet under her father's arm at Edward, and he winked back.

Charlie was now looking more depressed than angry.

Edward beckoned at me using his vampire speed so Charlie wouldn't see. That was my cue to "interrupt". I pushed open the door and danced in, showering the room with bright smiles. My grin faltered when I saw Charlie's face. (Of course, this was all acting...)

"What's wrong, Charlie?" I asked sweetly, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

He looked at me sadly. "I've lost my cruiser, Alice. Someone stole it in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. Though _who_ in their right minds would steal the police car of the Chief Policeman, I don't know..."

"Wait, did you say it was here last night?" I interrupted.

He nodded dully.

"And was your cruiser the one with the bent passenger door?"

He nodded again.

"Then I saw it."

"Where?" he yelped. "Tell me where you saw it, and when. And tell me if you could see who was inside it! I'm going to roast that person alive!"

I shrugged innocently. "I saw Emmett driving your cruiser last night at around three in the morning. He put it in our garage."

Edward nodded, seeming thoughtful. "I remember Emmett acting all strange last night, as if he were hiding something."

Charlie demanded that we bring him to our house so he could see if Emmett really did take his police car. I gave Charlie a lift in my Porsche while Edward and Bella followed me in his Volvo.

When we got to the house, Rosalie and Jasper had conveniently ushered Carlisle and Esme out of town, telling them that they should hunt, the farther away, the better. I smiled evilly.

When I turned to face Bella's father, though, my face was angelic through and through.

He clambered out of the car, and Bella and Edward came to join us. Together, the four of us marched up the porch steps and pushed open the door.

" 'Sup, Charlie!" Emmett called cheerfully.

I glared at him. "Emmett, give Charlie back his car. He needs to go to work."

Emmett looked confused. "Huh? I never took his cruiser. Who said I did?"

I rolled my eyes. "I saw you driving a white and black car into the garage last night, after Charlie was asleep. What were you doing up so late at night? I just got up to get a drink of water and I saw you sneaking around like a criminal!"

Emmett opened his mouth to protest, but our youngest brother cut him off. "And I saw you acting all scared and slinking around."

"But I didn't!" Emmy cried.

"Oh, but you did." a voice he didn't expect spoke out from above us. Rose walked calmly down the stairs, gracefully like a model, with Jasper trailing behind her. "I went into the garage this morning and saw a car in there that I never saw before. And I think it was the color of a cruiser. At least, part of it was."

"And," Jasper grinned. "I saw you working on a car that wasn't ours last night. I went to investigate after I heard some banging."

Poor Emmett looked scared and lost. "I don't know what you're saying," he squeaked out in a small voice.

"You know perfectly well what we're saying, Emmett," Rosalie snapped. "_You_ stole Charlie's cruiser. _You_ took it to our garage. _You_ did something to it."

"B-But!" he spluttered. "I didn't! How many times do I have to tell you that?"

Jasper sneered, "If you really didn't, why do we have four witnesses who claimed to have seen you driving Charlie's car?"

Emmett fell to his knees. "But I didn't," he whimpered. "The world is plotting against me today." He made a sound like a puppy being kicked.

"Well," Bella said breezily. "We can always go to the garage and check."

Charlie was in awe when he saw our garage. Inside was Carlisle's shiny black Mercedes Benz, Rosalie's red BMW M3, Jasper's silver motorcycle that Edward gave him, Emmett's huge monster red Jeep, and Edward's lovely silver Aston Martin V12 Vanquish.

And a strange car.

That _was_ Charlie's cruiser. Key word being _was_.

It was now covered in the designs Rosalie and Jasper drew. Enormous roaring lions, tall wavy grass, miniature Confederate and Union soldiers, pinprick bullets, guns as small as matchsticks.

Charlie's jaw hit the floor. He turned to us with a disbelieving look on his face.

We all mirrored his reaction, turning to Emmett.

"How could you?" Bella gasped.

"You're a disgrace to this family!" Rose shrieked.

Edward and Jasper shook their heads in shame.

I put my hands on either side of my face and said, "Emmett, why did you do this?"

Emmett looked bewildered. "I-I didn't do that!"

"Then why are you stuttering?" Edward shot back. Jasper nodded in agreement. "I can feel the fear rolling off you in waves."

I went up to the car and ran a finger across the lion's open mouth. The red tongue wiped away, exposing a track of black and white paint. "Oh, goody guys! It's washable marker! We should be able to get this all off in ten minutes."

So, we spent five minutes washing the cruiser. Before long, it was shiny, dripping, and black and white once more. There was a colorful river of marker-water flowing out the garage and into Esme's precious garden.

Charlie beamed. "It looks good as new," he said, sliding into the driver's seat. "Since you're a Cullen, Emmett, I'ma forgive you. But next time, watch out."

Emmett nodded furiously.

* * *

"God, why do I have to do this?" Emmett complained, as I pushed him from behind into the oven. He resisted, though, rather stubbornly. But I could be even more stubborn than him on his best day. Edward, Bella, Carlisle, and Esme watched from the side, deeply amused. Rosalie and Jasper were nearly bouncing with excitement, and my husband make us all feel more giddy at the thought of Emmett bring "punished".

I smirked. "Because Charlie said he wanted to roast whoever stole his cruiser alive."

**Author's Note-I know, cheesy ending. But, please review! A cookie for everyone who does! And, just an ending note, chipmunks rock! And so does Emmett Cullen!**


	15. Author's Note

**Removed author's note that no longer concerns you. Please skip onto the next chapter if there is one. Thank you.**

**-Crazy Twilight Lover**


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